My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
