Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
