Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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