Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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