the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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