so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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