I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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