His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just had sex on a roof
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
