I smell stomach acid.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
