i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
