had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
