I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
