He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
