I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
