In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
