Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
