I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize