Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
