In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
