We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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