Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one might say we're banned from that church
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
