dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
