dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
