i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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