Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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