When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
