After last night, I could never be a politician.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
