Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
