end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
