hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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