How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
