i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
