As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
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I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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