My liver just broke up with me...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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