Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
