i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
