My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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