i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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