OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
