Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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