She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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