Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize