so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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