Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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