somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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