What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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