The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
