Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize