i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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