So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
