haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
