Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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