the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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