I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
