there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
