just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
