I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
