she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
