I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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