life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
