So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!