Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.