Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
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This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.