I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.