I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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