I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
