he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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