I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
