Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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