Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
