so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
