So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
