Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
