you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
