Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
