Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
