took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
