If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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