So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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