I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
