i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
