also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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