Your mouth is God's brothel.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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