If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
