Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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